BURNING SHITHEAD
FESTIVAL ANNOUNCES TEMPORARY SHITHEAD EQUIVALENCY TO HONOR STRAWBERRY MUSIC FESTIVAL
Joshua
Tree August 26 2013 The Shithead Elders announced today that they had agreed to
extend a one-time grant of Shithead equivalency status in order to honor the Strawberry Music Festival, which had to cancel its Labor Day 2013 edition due to the Yosemite Rim Fire. The one-time grant of Shithead Status marks the first time in history that the definition of Shithead was extended. Not since the infamous "Shithead Schism" of 2005 has the Shithead Council felt it necessary to make a formal review of the products that constitute Shithead. That compromise and the subsequent definition of both Shithead and Shithead Related Products was memorialized in the Shithead Lexicon
According to observers, the Council's decision to grant the equivalency to extend full Shithead status to strawberry related breakfast cereals is notable, if only symbolic. One regular Burning Shithead attendee remarked "the fact is that the Council could have granted 'Shithead Related Product' status to the strawberry-flavored cereals, but the fact that they granted full Shithead status is remarkable." She continued "I'm not even sure if you can buy strawberry-flavored breakfast cereal anymore. Does anyone still manufacture that?" Strawberry-flavored breakfast cereals are in fact defunct, but rumor has it that festival participants are now stockpiling the products which are available at online auction sites.
According to one prominent Shithead Elder, the Shithead Council did not take the decision lightly. He remarked "In issuing this edict we had to examine both the historical record and the documents of modernity. For example we reviewed the intent of the Shithead Schism in 2005, but we went all the back to Longinus in our thinking. It took several days of contemplation and debate." The Longinus reference was to a historical document. The Burning Shithead website notes that "Standard legend has it that shithead has been burned in various forms at least since the Harding Administration. But shithead elders claim that the practice actually goes back centuries, long before the current mass-marketing of shithead by certain unscrupulous cereal conglomerates. While shithead in its current form certainly did not exist, there is some evidence to support the elders' claims. Fragments from Longinus' little-known tract Treatise on the Proper Consumption of Actually Existing Shithead were uncovered by scholars during the Crusades, but these writings disappeared shortly thereafter and may have been suppressed by Church authorities."
In fact, in granting the one-time consideration of Strawberry flavored breakfast cereals as legitimate shithead, the Council - as is their custom - specified the products that would also be considered Shithead this year. The products are:
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General Mills' Baron Von Redberry | General Mills' Strawberry Shortcake | General Mills' Franken Berry | General Mills' Crazy Cow |
In acknowledging that these products would be considered Shithead at this year's Festival, the Shithead Council extended a warm welcome to displaced prospective attendees of the Strawberry Music Festival.
Note: The name, concept, title, and treatment
of Shithead, Burning Shithead, and the Burning Shithead Festival are
copyrighted material protected by federal copyright laws. Cereal companies may
NOT in any way use the concept Shithead when referring to their products. The
right to use or refer to the name, concept, title, and treatment of Shithead,
Burning Shithead, and the Burning Shithead Festival may be licensed from
Burning Shithead Enterprises.